As caregivers, it’s easy to limit ourselves by thinking small. We start to think that because we are full time caregivers, we will never be able to reach our own full potential.
The dreams, life goals and career choices we had before we became caregivers now seem out of reach, or worse, no longer possible.
Worse yet, we allow ourselves to believe that we have no future beyond the walls of our home.
- We lose ourselves in the daily routine
- We give up on the idea that we will ever be able to expand our horizons beyond our role as caregivers
- We forget that someday, our care giving days may come to end and we’ll need a transition plan to re-start our lives
- We forget that care giving for most people is a season of life, not a life sentence
- We lose all hope.
It doesn’t have to be this way. But how do we get there? How do we get past the often harsh reality we deal with on a daily basis?
We do it when we:
- Change our negative mindsets
- Release our self-imposed limitations
- Believe that we can change our lives for the better
- Educate and empower ourselves.
But, you may argue: being a caregiver often leaves little time or energy to pursue other interests. True. But, if we use what precious little down time we do have to focus on taking positive action, we can start to feel better about the future.
If we allow ourselves to dream again and think about ourselves and our future, we open the door for hope to return.
We can benefit by educating ourselves. Read books on personal development. Learn new skills or develop old ones. Pursue creative interests.
Planning for the future can help preserve our current sanity.
A DARING DECISION
Six years after my husband’s accident, a social worker suggested that he enroll in college. Neither of us attended college after graduating from high school.
Instead, we both chose to go straight into the corporate world. We wanted to earn good incomes so we could afford a comfortable life.
He landed a good job with a small engineering firm as a draftsman. His award-winning drawings from high school helped him land his first professional job.
I worked as a temp for several large oil and gas companies in downtown Houston for about two years. Eventually, I had enough experience to land a permanent job at the local natural gas company.
The day my husband was encouraged to enroll in college, we sat in the social worker’s office stunned by her suggestion. It had been twelve years since he’d graduated from high school. Plus, a diagnosis of dyslexia during his childhood presented a challenge for him when it came to academics.
The idea behind the suggestion was for him to re-train for a new career. What if he could apply his manual drafting knowledge and skills to the (then) brand new field of computer-aided drafting?
He agreed. After more thought and discussion, his initial goal was to get a degree as a computer-aided draftsman (CAD). Then he could work from home and supplement our family income.
To achieve that goal, he first had to study Computer Science. It was the late 1980’s. Personal computers were in their infant stage of development at that time.
By learning computer-aided drafting, he could get in on the ground floor. Doors of opportunity with major employers could open to him.
He applied and got approved for a Pell grant. This grant covered tuition and all related college expenses. It also covered gas money for attending college and other associated living expenses.
Of course, as his primary caregiver, I would need to attend college with him. He needed someone to drive him back and forth to the college, located in a city an hour’s drive away from our home.
He would also need my help to navigate the campus, open doors, carry his books, take notes in each class, feed and help him with other personal needs.
It was a big decision that would require many changes to our daily routine. We discussed it in great detail. We prayed and asked for God’s guidance and help.
It was a huge leap into the unknown, but in the end, we decided to at least give it a try. We had nothing to lose and so much to gain.
Since a full time schedule was not physically possible for us, we opted for a part-time schedule on a trial basis.
THE BIG QUESTION
One day during a session with his student adviser, the counselor turned to me and asked an interesting question.
“Why haven’t you enrolled in classes too?”
Her point was that if I was sitting through every class with him, I too should be getting college credit for it.
I resisted the idea with everything in me at first. Why? I’d never sought nor desired higher education. I thought it was a huge waste of time and money. Besides, I was independent, a proud self-learner and stubborn.
At the time, to be honest, I didn’t see why I needed a college education. What was the point? After all, I was now a full-time caregiver. Why did I need a college degree? Deep down, I was scared. What if I tried and failed? I rationalized my fears by arguing that I didn’t need any more stress in my life. It was too much pressure.
Besides, I argued – computer science was NOT my chosen field. My personal choice would have been to major in English with a secondary degree in psychology. Learning about computers intimidated me. Besides, I was a word person, not a technical person (or so I thought at the time). I had failed every math course I ever took and was certain that learning computers involved math.
The counselor was relentless. She kept asking me the same question each time we met. I kept saying “no”. She kept trying to convince me to say “yes”.
Finally, I gave in and agreed to try and applied for my own Pell grant.
THE REWARDS OF SAYING “YES”
The end result was that I DID learn a lot about computers in the two and a half years that followed. We didn’t end up finishing our degree program. This was due to a job opportunity that was presented to us while we were attending college that we couldn’t pass up. But I learned enough basics to teach myself how to use computers from there.
Shortly after college, using money I’d earned from odd jobs, I scraped together enough money to buy my first PC. I used what little spare time I could muster to teach myself how to use a wide variety of software programs.
The rewards gained from this unexpected education?
My new computer skills helped me start a small home based computer business while I was a caregiver. I went on to land other technically oriented side jobs that I could do from home. These side jobs helped supplement our family’s meager disability income.
In early September 1997, my full-time care giving days came to an abrupt end. Three weeks later, I got a job in the space industry, working under contract to NASA, which turned into a successful twenty year career.
Had I not found the courage to enroll in college, I would not have gained the skills needed to land a corporate job.
Fourteen years of absence from the workforce due to full-time care giving was a huge gap in my resume. Without some college experience, and community volunteer work, I would have had nothing to fill in the blanks.
What saved me was the belief that I could learn and succeed at something outside of care giving alone.
AN OPEN DOOR
My brief experience in college served as a stepping stone to future success. I realize now that this education was a gift from God to me. It opened many doors for me after my care giving journey came to an unexpected end.
Having some college credits vs. zero got my foot in the door, despite not having earned an actual degree. That education and the discipline I gained as a college student still serves me well to this day.
Your personal care giving situation may be different than what mine was back then.
Perhaps you and/or your loved one cannot physically attend a brick and mortar college. That’s okay. In the 21st Century, you can still pursue education, formal or informal.
How?
You have access to something I didn’t have back then because it didn’t exist – an Internet connection.
Because of this, you can access thousands of online courses on the Internet from an equal number of online colleges or other learning institutions. Financial aid and/or Federal or State grants are also available via most online colleges. https://www.geteducated.com/free-college-scholarships/308-online-college-grant-and-free-money
It starts by making a decision to expand your horizons beyond your role as a care giver. Listen to your intuition and give yourself permission to identify and pursue your passions.
At the very least it will keep you focused on moving in a positive direction. It will also help you keep your sanity while you are a caregiver by giving you a reason to hope again. You never know where it might lead.
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED
Here’s what I learned…
Allow yourself to dream big again. Believe in yourself. Educate yourself. Empower yourself. Ask for God’s help and guidance. Look for opportunities and open doors. Have the courage to say “yes”, even if it scares you to your core. You’ll never know if you can do it until you try.
Will it be hard? Yes. Will you want to give up at times? Yes. Will you question why you ever agreed to step out of your comfort zone and expand your horizons in the first place? Yes.
Will it be worth it in the end? YES!
