THE GROUNDBREAKING
The spring of 1992 brought not only an abundance of rain and spring flowers to the farm. It also brought renewed hope and excitement to our family.
After the winter rainy season finally passed, construction on the new house
began in earnest.
Community work crews descended on the 1.5 acres of land where the new house would stand and got right to work. They started by clearing and preparing the land for laying the foundation of the home.
Over the next few months, we watched our dream home materialize daily before our eyes. Piece by piece—like a child’s Lego creation, the walls, frame and roof came together.
Our pastor served as project foreman. His expertise as a community leader was on full display. He coordinated every facet of the building process.
This included recruiting and supervising laborers and securing donated materials. He also raised monetary donations to pay for materials that had to be purchased.
Volunteer laborers of all kinds came together with a single vision: to bless us with a home that would serve us well into the future. The home was 1232 square feet.
It was originally built as a two bedroom, two and half bath and was custom designed for lots of wide open living spaces and full wheelchair access. The master bedroom occupied one third of the total square footage and had an open design home office area on one end.
It was truly a community effort.
After our morning routine, we were out on the construction site. We were eager to see what had transpired since the day before. I photographed and filmed all new progress made.
This was before cell phones even existed. So, I used “old school” technology to document this amazing project.
A cheap Polaroid camera for still shots. A bulky hand-held video camera that used tiny cassette tapes to record footage. To view said footage, it was necessary to plug the tiny tapes into a special VCR cassette tape and watch them via a VCR player!
My husband rolled around the construction site in his wheelchair, talking non-stop to the workers, making helpful suggestions and having a blast.
Our young daughter, then age 11, ran around the site with one of her best friends (the pastor’s daughter). She was so excited the day the workers framed out what would become her new bedroom!
I was most excited about the new “galley” style kitchen. The crowning jewel for me was the installation of a used Jenn Air stove top. It had a built-in exchangeable grill, griddle and burners.
The stove top was donated by a generous couple in our church who ran a Christian retreat center in the area. It had been in storage for seven or eight years and needed a lot of elbow grease to clean it up and get it ready for installation.
I brought parts and pieces of it into the old farmhouse one at a time for weeks before it was finally ready to be re-assembled. I happily scrubbed and polished every part until it shone like new!
A brand new roll in shower was also installed in the master bedroom.
Construction took place for most of that year. Finally, in the second week of September, the house was complete and ready for us to move in.
The finishing touch was the installation of a gold-plated plaque, which adorned the front door. It was engraved with the following inscription:
“The House that Love Built ~ est. 1992.”
The weekend before we planned to move in, our spirits were at an all-time high. Family and friends volunteered to help us with the move. It was going to be a lot of hard work, but I couldn’t have been any happier.
Little did I know that my happiness would soon be fleeting.
AN UNEXPECTED WHIRLWIND – THE LONGEST 24-HOURS OF MY LIFE
In a bittersweet turn of events, I received an urgent phone call from one of my sisters on Monday of that same week we were poised to move in. She informed me that our father had suddenly passed away on Sunday. She wanted to know if I would be able to fly to California for his funeral.
My heart sank to my toes.
We had no money to purchase a plane ticket to California. Nor did we have anyone who could take care of my husband while I attended my dad’s funeral.
No one else knew how to perform our daily routine. That routine included:
- toileting
- bathing
- dressing
- transferring in and out of the wheelchair
My joy over moving into the new house soon subsided and became watered with tears. As the eldest child, I loved my *dad very much. I didn’t want his cremation to occur before I could say goodbye. I hadn’t seen him in several years and desperately needed closure.
I spent hours on the phone that week with all four of my sisters as we did our best to plan a funeral for our dad long distance. We lived all over the U.S., in four different states, so we had no other option.
To this day I am thankful that one of my sisters and her husband graciously offered to pay for my plane ticket. A dear sister in Christ and friend from church volunteered to come and stay with my husband for the time I would be away.
The plan was that she would keep him company, wait on and feed him and our daughter for the twenty-four hours I would be away from home. My husband would remain in bed the entire time I was gone. It was the only way to make it possible for me to attend my own father’s funeral.
So, on Friday of that week, I drove to Dallas and hopped on a flight to California. Upon arrival, one of my sisters (who lived in California) picked me up from the airport. We headed straight for the funeral home where we had a private viewing and said final goodbyes to our dad. That evening I attended dad’s funeral. His funeral was followed by a wake at my grandmother’s apartment.
Immediately following the wake, my sisters drove me back to the Sacramento airport. I caught a red-eye flight back to Dallas, arriving at sunup. Armed with a huge cup of coffee, I began the long eighty-mile drive back home.
THE TREACHEROUS JOURNEY HOME
About halfway home, I started to swerve across lanes due to sheer exhaustion. So, I pulled off the rural highway and parked on the shoulder of the road.
I locked all the doors, turned on the emergency flashers and left the motor running. I laid sideways on the front seat using my suitcase and coat as a pillow. I intended to sleep for thirty minutes or so in order to make it home safely.
While I dozed, a police officer pulled up behind me and tapped on the window. He wanted to know if everything was okay. I explained my long, sad story to him. I told him that now I was simply trying to make it home to my disabled husband before I collapsed in exhaustion.
He seemed relieved to know that my swerving was not because I was drunk. I’ve since learned that when people are as tired as I was, their reactions can appear as if they are drunk.
I was so grateful that he followed me at a distance for the next forty miles to ensure I made it home safely. Knowing he was following me kept me more alert than I would have been otherwise.
By the time I got home, I was so exhausted, I could barely see straight. I was running on fumes. Somehow, God gave me the strength to spend the first hour and a half after I returned home getting my restless husband out of bed and into his wheelchair. After that, I was finally able to crash.
A caregiver’s job can seem never ending at times.
But I was ever so grateful to God that the home I returned to was the brand new, comfortable house that love built. I had only lived in it for less than a week and already it felt like a little corner of Heaven. <3
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED
Be grateful for any good thing that comes your way. An attitude of gratitude will bring more of the same your way. Focusing on the positives in life leaves little time, energy or space in our souls for the negatives.
Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. ~Colossians 3:16
Into every caregiver’s life, a little rain must fall. So, save up whatever sunshine your soul can find in happy times to sustain you during the rainy seasons. How do you “save sunshine”? When times are good, take lots of pictures and videos. Write down your fondest memories of the people you love and happy events. Save, treasure and re-visit them all the next time the rain begins to fall.
For over all the glory there will be a canopy, a shelter to give shade from the heat by day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and the rain. ~Isaiah 4:6
Even in our moments of greatest joy, life’s curve balls can appear out of nowhere and catch us off guard and knock us to the ground. Sometimes the best we can do is to stand up, brush the dirt off and try again. Life is not perfect, and every day is not a home run.
The LORD opens the eyes of the blind, the LORD lifts those who are weighed down, the LORD loves the righteous. ~Psalm 146:8
Dealing with grief is tough under normal circumstances. Grieving the sudden death of a loved one can be even more difficult for caregivers. Be kind to yourself. Rest whenever you can. Don’t be too proud to reach out for the help you need. Do whatever it takes to find closure. Someday you’ll look back and be glad you did.
Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am in distress. My eye, my soul, and my body waste away with grief. ~Psalm 31:9
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*This blog post is dedicated to the memory of my beloved father, Chet Merriam. I will always love you, Daddy! Sending hugs and kisses to Heaven for you.
~1936 – 1992 ~